Every language has it. Modern civilization and society are built upon it. Having the ability to express remorse for wrong doing has profound implications. There is a universal need for the concept of “sorry”. In fact, many languages can express this one idea in many different ways. Sorry, excuse me, pardon me, forgive me, my apologies, and so on.
This situation begs the question – why bother with this word? Why is it so ubiquitous? The answer is simple: it is one of the features of humans (through our invention of language) that allows us to cooperate on an ongoing basis.
There are many situations where us, and our ancestors, have perhaps done something by accident, thereby wrong-doing some other person. Most of the time, we didn’t intend for somebody else to get hurt. Or, we had no other choice. Our way of dealing with these unfortunate occurrences is to use a universal signal of regret.
Imagine, for a minute, that if you had done something wrong, and you knew it was wrong after the fact, and you could not apologize for what you did? If you accidentally step on a person’s foot, you can say nothing. If you accidentally cut somebody off in traffic, you cannot give the “sorry wave”. If you accidentally let a door shut in your friends face, you cannot say sorry.
“Sorry” gives us the opportunity to rectify the situation. It shows that we are aware of what happened, we realize it was wrong, and that we regret that it happened. It is built into our nature to respond positively to apologies. In society as a whole, we accept apologies and give forgiveness. This is a mutually beneficial situation, as the actor (the apologizer) and the victim (the forgiver) both end up better off. The apologizer can clear his conscience knowing that he has done the right thing, and the forgiver is able to understand that the apologizer sincerely regrets the situation.
By this point, most people would agree that apologies are a necessary part of society. But this leads us into another question – should parents apologize to their children?
It is well known that children model their parents, and inherit characteristic attributes and mannerisms of their parents. Children look to their parents to show them how to act.
Some people argue that because of this very fact, parents shouldn’t apologize to their children under any circumstance. By apologizing, you are admitting fault. How can one expect children to model their parents if they are “faulty?” You must portray an image of perfection and infallibility to your children. That way, they will respect you and consider you as a leader and a role model.
I argue that apologies must be given when warranted. Respect isn’t something that can be demanded, only earned. By not reciprocating apologies to your children, you are showing them, the children you love, that you do not respect them enough to apologize. Children embody their parents, and even take on positive and negative attributes. How can you expect your child to grow up to be a courteous, apologetic individual if you do not apologize to him yourself? Children need to realize that even their parents can be wrong at times, and apologizing is the right thing to do if a wrongdoing was committed, regardless of who the victim was.
In the event that I am wrong, I will not hesitate to apologize to my children. Only then will they respect me as I respect them.
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